evilgidget

OK… so first of all, I have completely fell off the boat.  My mom cooks for me like once a year… and of course ever since I started trying to change and be good… my mom has cooked like twice a week.  I just am not strong enough to turn down her chicken casserole, or her cheeseburgers, or her fried potato’s, or her brownies, or her lemon pound cake… etc etc.

So anyway…. I ordered the urban rebounder off of HSN and it came yesterday.

WHY OH WHY DO THEY MAKE IT LOOK SO EASY!  I should have known better.

First of all… it is impossible for me to even stand on it without the stabilizing bar…. it did come with the bar, so ok… I did the workout… or at least tried really hard to.  My back was cracking and popping and hurting… I was afraid I was gonna break something… then my ankle almost twisted.. but I was able to stop it… but my ankles are hurting really bad right now just from being on it and I wore my tennis shoes.  Worst of all… my boobs hurt really bad… I would probably have to spend some serious money on a very very good sports bra to do this.

I am too heavy and too uncoordinated to do this exersize….. so I get to spend the extra money to send it back.

You live and you learn. 

I will stick with the light stuff at least till I get some of this weight off.

Well… I knew it would happen… I was bad too many times lol.

I’m back on track today… here’s hoping I can stick to it all week.

Well… I have been trying to figure out where exactly to start with excercize and I was flipping through channels today and HSN had the urban rebounder on there… it comes with the safty bar, 10 dvd’s and the tension rubber band thingy’s (don’t know what they are called lol)

Just wondering if anybody has one or something similar and your feelings on them…. I’m a little worried that I will be too heavy for it.. .but I didn’t see a weight limit on the infomercial.

I lost 7 pounds my first week… and it wasn’t even that hard.  I did really good halfway into my second week and then Thursday night… I faltered, ended up eating really bad… most of the day.  Then yesterday, I figured that since I had already blew it on Thursday… what is the point I just don’t have the willpower… so I ate bad all day yesterday.  I’m sure I’ll gain all that 7 pounds back :( 

Why is it that when I mess up one time… it snowballs into a big binge?  I need to stop that cycle… I need to be ok when I mess up… just don’t do it all day long for 2 days in a row…

I’m going to try really hard today.  I am not very confident though seeing as how me, my husband and my daughter are all here with nothing to do all weekend. 

My plan for today is to clean house… so maybe I can keep my mind off food for a little while… but what about tomorrow … and the next day and the next.  I’m obsessed with food!  It’s a sickness I just don’t know how to cure.

I can’t get it to let me add a picture when I am giving someone a booster note.  I click on the button that says insert picture, but nothing happens.  Also… how are people giving me a thumbs up?  I’d like to do that for other people.

I have no idea what day this is … 9 or 10 maybe?  Anyway… I’ll just say it’s the middle of the 2nd week.

I am doing pretty well.  I actually ate well yesterday, but ended up with a few too many calories (1750).  I didn’t keep track as I was eating I put it all in at the end of the day… guess I know better now lol.

I seem to be alot more positive than I was in the very beginning.  I don’t feel so much that it is such an obstacle that can’t be overcome.  I still feel that it is an obstacle, but after letting go of my stubborness to part with those chocalate bars and cheeseburgers…. and actually DOING it for a few days, it is not seeming as bad as I thought lol.

I feel better mentally… and physically already, so that’s a great thing.

The only thing that really brings me down is that I have so far to go before I’m really at a healthy weight, but I know it will just take time and patience.

Patience isn’t something I’m good at… but I’m trying.

I want you all to know that this website has really helped me.  When I did weight watchers before the support  of the meeting helped me alot, but the DAILY support I get here seems even better.

I already feel like I’m a little bit accountable for what I do, because I have gotten into the habit of blogging everyday.  So I really don’t want to have to come on here and tell you how horrible I have done.  I actually think about you guys before I make my decision on what to eat lol.

Thanks so much for your support.  I hope that I can help others here as well.

Nothing much to talk about, but I thought I would  blog anyway just to make sure I don’t get out of the habit.

I stayed on track lots better than I did yesterday… I think my stomach is shrinking a little

OK… I know it is not all his fault that I am fat. BUT I blame alot of this on him. I was never fat until I met him… and his love for eating out and his unhealthy eating lifestyle has changed me to be like him over the past 15 years.

When I was younger, I was healthy… I ate foods from the garden everyday, I rarely ever ate a meal in a fast food place…. and now… that’s all we seem to do, and it has been that way since the day we got married. It is so bad that I have even considered leaving over it, because I try, and he sabotages my efforts.

For example:
Today… I woke up, found that I had lost 7 pounds in one week and was so very happy. I told him about it, and he acted a little mad… or jealous. Well anyway… I went on about my day. I ate healthy all day, until I came home from work.

He kept asking me what I wanted to do for supper, and I kept saying I think I will eat a smart choice meal. Finally after a couple hours of this (I wasn’t even hungry yet). He said oh come on just today… we will go out to eat. So after some whining from him and my daughter, I gave in. The plan was to go to the chinese place, and I was going to order a small bowl of rice and a small bowl of soup. We get there… the place is closed. So… we end up at Shoney’s. I really couldn’t do another salad bar, so I tried to order the very best thing I could find on the menu.

A ham, egg (only whites), and cheese crossaint with a bowl of fruit.

The waitress came with our food. The bowl of fruit had been replaced with homefries, and the sandwhich was swimming in butter. So I blotted the sandwhich off and ate it… and ate a few of the homefries. Then after getting my daughters order wrong they gave her a free hot fudge cake (THE DEVIL). Of course I couldn’t resist eating some.

So… my efforst earlier in the day were completely ruined in one meal and I feel bloated and miserable.

How do I find the strength to not only fight myself … my own food cravings, but that of my husband and daughters too? I just don’t know if I can.

I know it doesn’t say that on my tracker… that is because I signed on on a Friday and put the wrong weight in… and then added 2 pounds on the following Monday.  But anyway…. from last Monday to today I lost 7 pounds!  I have never ever lost that much in one week.  Of course.. it’s because I am so big it will be easy at first… I just hope and pray I can keep some momentum up.

 I may just have to start working 7 days a week… cause I was off work yesterday and ate everything that wasn’t nailed down…. so if I hadn’t done that I could have lost even more!

Only 5 more pounds to my mini goal!

Last day of the first week.  Tomorrow is weigh in day.  I’m as nervous as I am anxious.  I have done really well for the most part, but I have slipped a few times.  I just hope I lose a little…. so that it will motivate me to keep on going.  I won’t weigh in early though… have to wait till in the morning